what happened next

so then we spent a few dreamy minutes gaping at our little boy in the delivery suite.

the midwives rushed around talking about placentas and stitches (to which i totally switched off) and talking about a 'heightened heart and respiratory rate'. it was clear they were discussing baby who hadn't yet let out the piercing scream that all newborns need to clear their lungs. instead he was still his funny just born blue colour and making an awful grunting sound as he tried to breathe.

i held him in my arms and was aware of myself almost screaming to no-one in particular "is he ok ? is he ok? is he ok?".

before long he was in special care, wired up to an intravenous drip, taped up to monitors and under close monitoring. with me in a wheelchair (no use of legs due to the earlier epidural) and him in his incubator, i was in tears immediately.

he spent four days in the unit, steadily getting stronger. the drip came out on the day we came home. he still has to go for a check up on his heart in a month or two.

in the meantime, he's on medicine to prevent jaundice - a consequence of our mismatched bloods crossing over during his birth.

now he's home, i realise how much our goalposts shifted during those days in hospital. sleepless nights ? not a bother. endless nappies ? but he's so cute. hard to look after two young children? not when i love them so much.