the war report

so, the new little thing is home with us and already we cannot imagine life without him.

that's not to say i don't sometimes come into the room and find i'm amazed to see a baby in a moses basket, or that my heart doesn't melt when i see the hubs holding him, or that i was so taken by seeing his tiny name printed on a prescription that i had to stick it on the fridge for keeps.

the prescription. now there's a story.

it's hard to know where to start so i'll go back to the moment i guessed the baby was coming. it was monday morning, the little thing was at nursery and the hubs had left for a couple of nights filming in blackpool. given that i spectacularly ruined his last work trip to vegas, i put any thoughts of calling him and telling him to turn back to the back of my mind.

instead i convinced myself that the baby would take ages coming, just like last time. and oh, that trickle couldn't have been waters breaking.

the parents had come up for dinner and seeing as i was planning to deliver the baby in my home town (just as with the first one) i told them i'd go back with them that night. by 8pm the contractions were unmistakable, by 10pm they were coming every 15 mins. i phoned the hubs and he started making plans to get back. the earliest would be by 9am.

i went to bed and by 3am the contractions were under 10 mins and utterly unbearable. my mother drove us to the hospital, every corner was an extra agony, every bump awful and all lived in slow motion ( her fastest driving speed is 'snail').

at the hospital we heard the dreaded words 'no time for an epidural'. trying to catch the midwife's eyes i could hear myself pleading 'no, please ... you don't understand ... is there an anaethetist on duty ? are they nearby ? ... when can they get here? '.

thankfully, georgina ('call me george') the anaethetist was nearby and showed up just in time. all i could think of was that i'd seen her before on a hockey pitch somewhere - and that she would definitely have been the superior player.

ok. so everything is now fine. i ask my mum to ring my best friend despite it being barely past 5am. i've already primed her that the hubs might not make it back in time. also, as her boys rarely sleep i figure it's not too much of an imposition.

best friend swans in some time later looking like she's off to a barbecue. tanned, pretty, smiling and so SLIM (last baby just 3 months old). it was great to see her and by the time she left i was in a euphoric epidural induced haze. hey, if the hubs didn't make it, too bad huh?

then the midwife examined me. she went quiet. told me the baby's heart beat was dropping so they'd need to get the baby out quickly. said they'd break the waters. examined me again and couldn't find the waters. guessed they'd broken without me noticing. yes, kind of i said.

so then there was another problem. the baby was not lying in the right position. it was TRANSVERSE. now, i don't know a lot about medical matter but i'd seen that episode of 'Bodies'. Max Beesley looks gorgeous whilst fighting in vain to save either the baby OR the mother from dying during a transverse delivery.

a doctor appears. unfortunate manner. three midwives are also in the room. emergency c-section is mentioned. but they'll test the baby's blood first to see if they can buy some time.

blood comes back ok, doctor disappears. midwife props me up on one side with a pillow, hoping gravity will shift the baby. she also whacks up the medicine to induce contractions and gives the epidural an extra boost.

as i lie there the clock is ticking past 7am into 8am. all i can think is that the hubs is not too far away now, not far away now.

when he comes into the room he's crying. i'm crying too and i ask him 'have they told you?'. he says yes and sits down beside me.

i feel as if life as we know it is ending. the baby's heartbeat is on a loud speaker and we can all hear the dips and peaks as the contractions come. all i can think of is the emergency operation, or worse of the cutting and pulling and suction of a ventouse delivery. i just want the baby out, i want it to be well. give me the operation, it's the lesser of two evils.

the midwife examines me again. the atmosphere is calm. just me, her and the hubs. she tells me 'you're going to have this baby naturally'. the baby has turned. i can't believe what i'm hearing. 'but' she says ' you're going to have to work hard'. 'i'll do it, i say, i know i can, just give me a chance, i'll work really hard!"

5 minutes later our baby was born. 'what is it? what is it?' i was asking the hubs as he stared blankly at me with the baby on my chest. he looked under the towel that the little thing was wrapped in and said

"it's a boy"