world of motherhood calling

now almost 6 months pregnant with my second child, i'm finding myself thinking back to my first pregnancy a lot.

during that time i was working as a journalist in central london, travelling to work on the tube and getting home late after 10 hour shifts. the hubs was working in newcastle so i only saw him on weekends and i remember those months - lonely and exhausting as they were - as peaceful.

now there is no such thing as peace, except for the odd lull before bed or when the little thing is napping. i generally spend this time sneaking a few chapters of whichever latest novel i'm reading but lately i've noticed my mind frequently wandering back to my first pregnancy.

i'm sure this is a dilemma shared by hundreds of thousands of other mums. that the attractions of full time work and full time motherhood seem almost exactly balanced on the those mischievous scales of life. i think back to my working days with a sense of longing for authority, interesting projects and the ego satisfaction of having one's name in lights/ in print/ on air/ whatever. and yet in the next breath i'm reliving the boredom, frustration, the unpredictability of sociopathic newsroom bosses and the image fizzes away like that of the wicked witch in the wizard of oz.

the plan i've come up with is to enjoy being a mum to the little thing in the last few months before her new brother / sister arrives and to give up those familiar fantasies of work. the answer isn't to go to back to the newsrooms of yesteryear, but to search out a new way of earning cash, using my skills and drawing on the experience of who i am now.